Married ladies, listen up. Mid-Eastern divas are super-crafty and we need to concoct a way for their spoil-me scheme to work for the average American married woman. They blame their insatiable need for beautiful clothes, jewelry, perfume, delectable food, luxurious surroundings, and all-out pampering on possession by a zar, a man-hating djinn. Genius!
This is how it happens: The diva, er, victim, suffering from some minor complaint (translation: bitch-fit), blames her bad attitude on possession by a zar. Her female relatives (co-conspirators) keep her from seeing a medical doctor (game plan destroyer), instead herding her to the spa…um, female shaman (called a shechah-ez Zar). For a nominal fee, the shechah (masseuse) identifies a zar as the source of the woman’s troubles. She interrogates the zar, sometimes in a real language, and sometimes in unintelligible Pearl Jam chants (secret round-table strategy session). After the interrogation, the zar offers to leave…once the victim receives lavish gifts and attention from her husband. Cha-ching!
But it gets even better. They plan a party, a “beating the zar” ceremony. Yep, girls’ night out. There’s music, drinking, singing, and dancing. The star of the party has to really show off her dance moves, shaking her booty until she can take no more and faints. Ta-da! Cured.
Don’t get too comfortable though, husbands. Relief may only be temporary. Commit another wifely infraction and shazam! Your friendly neighborhood zar is back for some more TLC.
See what I mean? Regular Einsteins. How do you manipulate…er, coax your man into meeting your zar requirements? Or is your husband like mine, spoils you rotten, no djinn required?
If you’re in the mood for a genie story, why not check out Kellyann Zuzulo’s The Genie Ignites? I was lucky enough to win it in a blog giveaway…looks like a fun read.
Where do you learn this stuff? I swear, you have the best stories. And I think this is a fabulous idea. I feel a possession coming on.
Wish I would have thought of this scheme…I’d be a millionaire shechah.